Have No Shame: The Truth About Hoarding and How to Overcome It
Do You Hoard?
Are you overwhelmed by the piles that magically gather in your space?
Do you find it difficult to throw things away? Do you feel crowded in by the
amount of objects in your home? Are you embarrassed to have people over because of the state of your home?
Do you want to clean out your house, but need help figuring out where to begin? You are not alone.
The truth is that hoarding is a serious issue. In fact, it is now recognized by the American Psychiatric Association as its own disorder. People who hoard accumulate so many items that their homes become unlivable. Collected possessions range from very valuable items to garbage, but they all stay.
When We Hoard Items
When we hoard items, rooms can no longer be used for their intended purpose. The kitchen, for example, could be too full or unclean to prepare meals properly. The living room may have things piled so high that there is a risk of them toppling over and seriously injuring someone. You may not be able to eat at the dining room table.
Living in a space like this becomes dangerous not only for the hoarder but also for the family. Instead of being a sanctuary of comfort and safety, the hoarder’s home becomes a prison, trapped by their very own clutter.
Why Do We Hoard Items?
There are several reasons someone might begin hoarding. You might grow up with a parent who hoards, learning that behavior as standard from a young age. Hoarding can also be related to trauma, such as the death of a loved one or childhood abuse; the survivor begins to hoard possessions as a means of filling the void of that loss or pain.
No matter the reason, though, hoarding is deeply stigmatized in the United States, even though up to 15 million Americans suffer from this disorder. Are you one of them?
How Shame Contributes to Hoarding
The embarrassment that comes with hoarding makes it very difficult to ask for help. It can be hard to admit you need help or open up to someone when your hallways are stacked with stuff.
Shame and vulnerability researcher Brene Brown says, “Shame is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be. And it’s a straight-jacket.”
In our society, we are held to a standard of “normality,” and shame is often projected onto the individual who is different. This shame debilitates one who is hoarding by forcing him into secrecy, in which he hides and silences the problem. This, in turn, creates the perfect conditions for the problem to grow, resulting in collecting more items. Brown writes, “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
Help with Hoarding
However, there is help for those who seek it. Several home organization businesses and mental health professionals offer nonjudgmental, unconditional, and loving support to people facing chronic disorganization or hoarding.
These services not only assist in clearing the clutter from one’s home, but also help address the deeper emotional aspects. Those who hoard attach certain beliefs to objects in their home, believing that these things grant them happiness, or that losing the objects will cause them pain. This gives the things filling one’s home more power than they deserve. In reality, fewer belongings gives you a greater sense of freedom and brings more energy into one’s home.
Working with a holistic home organization service and a mental health therapist can help clients let go of these beliefs and return their spaces to a place of functionality and order. We encourage anyone suffering from chronic disorganization or hoarding to reach out and ask for help from a trained professional, no matter the shame or embarrassment they may be feeling. As Brene Brown writes, “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive and vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” There is hope.